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For the old saga..
11/5/00*sigh* feels good to have my crap done. Did a pretty good amount of studying this weekend. Even had a lil time for partying...yipeee! So good to dance...loved it! though the music could have been better but oh wells. anyways, I can't wait to go clubbing in chicago. it's been a while. but yeah...i still got it..hehe..jk!
anyways...it feels good just to do my own thing whenever I want. No obligations. Having fun being carefree..as it should be at my age. Well time to study and then play play later...yipeee for me!
10/24/00*sigh* I'm so lost...don't even know how i feel so I can write. ohhh dear! isn't that a first. I guess, I'm thinking, why am I bothered so much by something unless I must really care. But now it's really not that big of a deal i suppose. But all I know is that, ppl say that they are weak in the heart and that is why they get hurt. But i think mine is just so strong that it feels everything so deeply. well i dunno. Then again I don't really know much about love. I think that having some dating experience that I would know, but really I am clueless about it. I guess nobody ever does mean to fall in love. It happens and love brands itself on your brain and your heart. It's like a new street appearing overnight in the city you've lived in your WHOLE life. The street is one-way, so you can't turn around and get off it-and it curves ahead so that you can only see far enough to know that you're veering into the unknown.
It's just weird how it came from no where...especially when i was seeing everything so clearly and there was no way that I could have missed something...but i guess i did...somehow.
But now I'm just scared..cuz i don't know what to do with this feeling...cuz it just hurts and it won't go away. And in a way i don't like it...cuz it makes me so vulnerable. In a way that I have never been. And since I'm so not used to it...I'm really just so scared. Scared of being hurt and never being able to love again. Love the way someone loves their first time. *sigh* dunno...just confused.
10/9/00Errgg...so much that I have to do and so little that I want to do. Anyways...school is just becoming a lil overwhelming right now. So instead of thinking about that right now, I choose to ignore it and think about my social life instead...har har har. well let's see...first off I have a craving for pie..oh wells. well i guess when you are not in a relationship you tend to meet more ppl and you think, wow! there are just so many cool ppl that i missed out on. And there are so many fun things to do that i didn't know of either. But it's my senior year, and it's about time that I wasn't in a relationship. Just feels good to be totally on your own. But then again lately my friends have really needed me and I guess that has really been time consuming. But I'm so glad to have met the new ppl that I did. Done some crazy new things that I thought I never would...but oh well...im young...im in college. So as for now, no boys on the brain...eeekk!But then lately new flavors seem to pop up, such as mixed drinks that are over 6 feet, or back to the white man..hehe...me so bad! So as of now, i'm happy with where I am. I seem to be pretty on track in my life as far as school, friends, and jobhunting. So as for the boyfriend factor...I'm soooo happy to be single now...and I don't even want to think about liking anyone right now....yuuuck! FINALLY! IM FREEEE!!! okies...nite nite..
Take me home.
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